Gastroenterology Appointment

I’m not sure where to even start with this…

They received a referral in January to see me as I’d had a stool sample come back with high inflammation, after months of being severely constipated. 

That appointment took place yesterday—via video call! Video call…my first appointment with a specialist Dr for abdominal pain, and they don’t want to physically examine me. Since last summer, all the way through til now, not one healthcare provider has physically examined my abdomen. Am I being unreasonable to even expect such a thing, as a physical examination?

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, anger found its way into my voice. I became defensive, or maybe I was defensive even before the call began, masking the frustration I feel, for as long as I could. Today I feel apologetic, is it a thing, to send a card apologising for my inability to emotionally regulate myself, to a healthcare professional?

We managed to end the call with a referral to a dietician, someone who might help me figure out where my appetite has gone, and how to try and keep myself from involuntary starvation, while I navigate symptoms that I feel alone with.

On reflection, Iv never had a great relationship with food—choosing how it made me feel, never thinking about nutritional value. So here I am now, thundering towards fifty years of life, trying to learn how to properly care for myself.